Walk on water

mountain scenery
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A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi are on a fishing trip.
The Rabbi says he wants a drink, so he walks off the boat, across the water, and grabs the drink.
A few minutes later, the Minister wants a drink too, and also walks across the water.

The priest thinks to himself ‘If God lets them walk on water, he’ll let me too, and leaves the boat.
The priest sinks like a stone into the lake.

The Rabbi turns to the Minister and says “guess he didn’t know where the stepping stones were.

 

 

Life seems longer

A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.

“Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.

“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”

“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.

 

 

Wishing well

photo of body of water
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The husband decided to make a wish too but he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled,

It really works!

 

 

 

 

Life ends in 10 secs

blue and silver stetoscope
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A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says.

“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.

“10…” says the doctor.

“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.

“10…9…8…7…”

 

 

Philosophy exam

man writing in a book
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A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said:

“Is this a question?” – Discuss.
After a short time he wrote:

If that is a question, then this is an answer.
The student received an “A” on the exam.

 

 

Mr. Smith

administration architecture building cemetery
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A telemarketer called a house, and a real nice lady answered the phone. She was really helpful and nice. After some pleasantries exchanged, the telemarketer asked if Mr. Smith was in,
“I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.”

“I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.”
“Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number.

The telemarketer hung up and quickly called the new number, and was surprised to hear a recording.

“Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”