A photographer goes to a haunted castle, determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.
The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.
The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are under-exposed and completely blank.
Moral to the story:
The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs.
When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says,
“What do you expect for $10 — lobster?”
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother,
“Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
The mother exclaimed,
“But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
The little girl replied,
“My homework.“
A hungry African lion came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
See, even the King of the Jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi are on a fishing trip.
The Rabbi says he wants a drink, so he walks off the boat, across the water, and grabs the drink.
A few minutes later, the Minister wants a drink too, and also walks across the water.
The priest thinks to himself ‘If God lets them walk on water, he’ll let me too, and leaves the boat.
The priest sinks like a stone into the lake.
The Rabbi turns to the Minister and says “guess he didn’t know where the stepping stones were.“
A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
“Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.
“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”
“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”
A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too but he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
“It really works!“
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says.
“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.
“10…” says the doctor.
“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.
“10…9…8…7…”
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said:
“Is this a question?” – Discuss.
After a short time he wrote:
“If that is a question, then this is an answer.”
The student received an “A” on the exam.
A telemarketer called a house, and a real nice lady answered the phone. She was really helpful and nice. After some pleasantries exchanged, the telemarketer asked if Mr. Smith was in,
“I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.”
“I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.”
“Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number.
The telemarketer hung up and quickly called the new number, and was surprised to hear a recording.
“Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”
