Category: Jokes

Final match tonight

close up photo of person holding tennis racket and ball
Photo by Gonzalo Facello on Pexels.com

A man went to the doctor,

“Doctor, every night in my dream I am playing tennis.”

Doctor says, “Take these pills, they will help you sleep better.”

The man replies,

“I can’t take them, tonight is the final game.

 

 

september twenty-seventh

train by trees against blue sky
Photo by RAJAT JAIN on Pexels.com
A Polish man decided to run down a railway track, trying to beat an approaching train with his speed.
He started running faster and faster, as fast as he could,
but eventually he is caught by the train and finds himself in a hospital with many broken bones.
Treating his wounds, the doctor asks
“Stavroski, why didn’t you just run up the embankment to avoid the train?”
“You stupid idiot,” Stavroski says.

If I can’t beat it on the flat ground, how will I beat it uphill?

(Source: Jokes4us)

 

 

 

august thirty-first

boys brother children country
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Dad asks Cody, “What’s with your brother over there by the porch?” Cody says, “Well, he asked for something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”

“What! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
“Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!

Mini drum set

artist bass close up drum
Photo by JTMultimidia on Pexels.com

It was Timmy’s 5th birthday and he was joyfully opening all the presents he received. He saved the biggest for last, so it took a while until he got to opening Grandma’s present.

“Wow” Timmy exclaimed in delight, upon seeing the mini drum set that his Grandmother got for him. “Thanks Grandma this is just what I wanted.”

It was after Timmy went to bed that Timmy’s mother approached her mother.

“Ma, I’m surprised at you, don’t you remember how it used to drive you crazy when we used to play the drums in the house growing up?”

Grandma smiled and then said “I remember, of course I remember.

(Source: Great Clean Jokes)

 

 

 

july seventh

scrap metal trash litter scrapyard
Photo by Emmet on Pexels.com

“Has your son decided what 
he wants to be when he grows up?” 
I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbage man,” 
he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that garbage men work only on Tuesdays.”

(Source: rd.com)