Category: Humor

Defrost the chicken!

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Scientists at NASA built a device to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets, the space shuttle, etc. The idea being to simulate collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the device and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made and a device was sent to the British engineers.

When device was fired, the British engineers were shocked… the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Defrost the chicken”.

(Source: Baba Mail)

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september twenty-ninth

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Bill struggled to get up early in the morning and as a result was always late for work. His boss got fed up of his constant lateness and so threatened to fire him if he didn’t get his act together.

So Bill went to see his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it just before going to bed.

Bill did this, and slept very well and actually beat the alarm clock by two hours. So he fixed himself a nice breakfast and drove happily to work, in plenty of time for the start of the work day.

When he got there, he said, “Boss, that pill the doctor gave me actually worked!”

His boss said, “That’s all very well, but where were you yesterday?

(Source: LaffGaff)

september twenty-eighth

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A doctor, an engineer, and an attorney were at a restaurant enjoying dinner, wondering who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions – according to the Bible.
The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and made Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”
The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”
Then, the lawyer spoke up. “Yes,” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

(Source: Jokes4us)

Fire the gardener!

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A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they’d have to drastically alter their life-style.

“If you’ll just learn to cook,” he said, “we can fire the chef.”

“Okay,” she said. “And if you learn how to make love,

we can fire the gardener!

The boa

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A man holding a pet boa constrictor walks into a night club to get a drink and sits next to a blind man.
He orders a drink and water for his buddy, the boa.
The blind man says, “Hey, no one drinks water at the bar.”
The boa’s owner smiles and replies, “My buddy does.”
The blind man replies, “I gotta meet you guys.” He reaches over to the other man and touches his face.
He says “Round, Beard, & Brows – you’re a 30 year old Irish man”.
Next, he reaches over the the boa and touches it’s face.
He says, “Slimey, Scaley, & Cold.
You must be the club owner”.