A telemarketer called a house, and a real nice lady answered the phone. She was really helpful and nice. After some pleasantries exchanged, the telemarketer asked if Mr. Smith was in,
“I’m sorry”, she answered “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.”
“I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.”
“Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number.
The telemarketer hung up and quickly called the new number, and was surprised to hear a recording.
The Devil appears to a real estate agent one day and says to him, “Listen, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any other real estate agent in the world. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever walked the Earth.”
The real estate agent likes the sound of this and asks the Devil, “That sounds good. What do I have to do in return?”
The Devil smiles and says, “Obviously, you have to give me your soul. But you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children’s children. In fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”
“Wait a minute,” the Real Estate Agent says cautiously. “What’s the catch?“
A state police officer stops a car cruises along at 22mph in a 55mph zone.
That was way too slow he thought, and he pulled it over. As the car pulled aside to a complete stop, he saw the driver was an old lady, along with four others – one in front, and three in the back – looked shaken and didn’t say a word.
“Ma’am, driving too slow can cause problems to other drivers too.”
“I was driving exactly at the speed limit, Officer! Twenty-two miles an hour.”
The officer smiled and told her that she was on Route 22, but the speed limit was 55.
“Oh, I see. I’m sorry Officer, that was my mistake.”
“Well then, drive safely and I’ll let you go now” said the Officer.
However, he couldn’t help but asking,
“Ma’am, is everyone OK here? They are very quiet and have not blink once this whole time.”
“Oh, they’ll be fine soon. We’ve just got off of Route 101.“
Scientists at NASA built a device to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets, the space shuttle, etc. The idea being to simulate collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the device and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made and a device was sent to the British engineers.
When device was fired, the British engineers were shocked… the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Defrost the chicken”.