Month: October 2018

McWine please!

action alcohol art beverage
Photo by Posawee Suwannaphati on Pexels.com

 

Me: Can I get a glass of wine please?

Employee: Sir, this is McDonald’s

Me: Oh fuck, I’m sorry! Can I get a McWine

 

 

 

 

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Where’s the ghost?

monster illustration
Photo by Tookapic on Pexels.com

 

A photographer goes to a haunted castle, determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.

The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.

The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are under-exposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story:
The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.

 

 

 

 

Punishment

close up of woman working
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother,
“Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”

The mother exclaimed,
“But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”

The little girl replied,
My homework.

 

 

Writers cramp

nature summer yellow animal
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A hungry African lion came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
See, even the King of the Jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

 

Walk on water

mountain scenery
Photo by Marlon Martinez on Pexels.com

A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi are on a fishing trip.
The Rabbi says he wants a drink, so he walks off the boat, across the water, and grabs the drink.
A few minutes later, the Minister wants a drink too, and also walks across the water.

The priest thinks to himself ‘If God lets them walk on water, he’ll let me too, and leaves the boat.
The priest sinks like a stone into the lake.

The Rabbi turns to the Minister and says “guess he didn’t know where the stepping stones were.

 

 

Life seems longer

A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.

“Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?”
“Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor.

“Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?”

“No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.