Month: September 2018

Defrost the chicken!

blurred motion of illuminated railroad station in city
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Scientists at NASA built a device to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets, the space shuttle, etc. The idea being to simulate collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the device and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made and a device was sent to the British engineers.

When device was fired, the British engineers were shocked… the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer’s back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Defrost the chicken”.

(Source: Baba Mail)

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september twenty-ninth

adult analogue break focus
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Bill struggled to get up early in the morning and as a result was always late for work. His boss got fed up of his constant lateness and so threatened to fire him if he didn’t get his act together.

So Bill went to see his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it just before going to bed.

Bill did this, and slept very well and actually beat the alarm clock by two hours. So he fixed himself a nice breakfast and drove happily to work, in plenty of time for the start of the work day.

When he got there, he said, “Boss, that pill the doctor gave me actually worked!”

His boss said, “That’s all very well, but where were you yesterday?

(Source: LaffGaff)

september twenty-eighth

man sitting on chair holding smartphone
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A doctor, an engineer, and an attorney were at a restaurant enjoying dinner, wondering who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions – according to the Bible.
The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and made Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”
The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”
Then, the lawyer spoke up. “Yes,” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

(Source: Jokes4us)

september twenty-seventh

train by trees against blue sky
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A Polish man decided to run down a railway track, trying to beat an approaching train with his speed.
He started running faster and faster, as fast as he could,
but eventually he is caught by the train and finds himself in a hospital with many broken bones.
Treating his wounds, the doctor asks
“Stavroski, why didn’t you just run up the embankment to avoid the train?”
“You stupid idiot,” Stavroski says.

If I can’t beat it on the flat ground, how will I beat it uphill?

(Source: Jokes4us)

 

 

 

Fire the gardener!

man hand garden growth
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A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they’d have to drastically alter their life-style.

“If you’ll just learn to cook,” he said, “we can fire the chef.”

“Okay,” she said. “And if you learn how to make love,

we can fire the gardener!