Dad asks Cody, “What’s with your brother over there by the porch?” Cody says, “Well, he asked for something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”
“What! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
“Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!“
Two friends were driving down the road after attending a cocktail party.
The sober driver looks at his drunken friend in the passenger seat and asks him to see if his blinker is working.
So the guy looks out the window and says,
“Yes. No. Yes. No.”
Little Eddy and his mom were digging for fishing bait in the garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mom.
“No, honey, it won’t do for bait,” she said. “It’s not an earthworm.”
“It’s not?” Eddy asked, his eyes wide. “What planet is it from?”
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
I would avoid the sushi if I was you.
It’s a little fishy.
As I was driving to work this morning, this truck driver swerved right through the traffic, cutting up the other road users before smashing into the back of a car.
On the back of his truck was a sign saying:
‘How am I driving?’
I thought to myself, “I’ve got no idea either!“