Month: July 2018

Mini drum set

artist bass close up drum
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It was Timmy’s 5th birthday and he was joyfully opening all the presents he received. He saved the biggest for last, so it took a while until he got to opening Grandma’s present.

“Wow” Timmy exclaimed in delight, upon seeing the mini drum set that his Grandmother got for him. “Thanks Grandma this is just what I wanted.”

It was after Timmy went to bed that Timmy’s mother approached her mother.

“Ma, I’m surprised at you, don’t you remember how it used to drive you crazy when we used to play the drums in the house growing up?”

Grandma smiled and then said “I remember, of course I remember.

(Source: Great Clean Jokes)

 

 

 

Catch up

red tomatoes on white bowl
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Three tomatoes are walking down the street – a poppa tomato, a mamma tomato, and a little baby tomato.

Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, smooches him… and says,

“Catch up!”

 

 

 

 

july twenty-third

silver yellow red and black jet flying during daytime
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A small airplane roared in, clipping treetops before smashing between two trees on the ninth hole, tearing off both wings. Terrified golfers dialed 9-1-1.

In minutes a fire engine lumbered across the fairway.

“What happened?” a firefighter asked the pilot.

“Don’t ask me,” the pilot replied. “I just got here.

(Credit: Ronald Linson)

Short fuse

fitness power man person
Photo by Binyamin Mellish on Pexels.com

A massive bodybuilder befriends a pretty girl at a local bar. After several drinks and hours of conversation, the two decide to leave and head back to his place.

After making out in the bedroom for a while, he stands up and starts to undress. After removing his shirt, he flexes his muscles and says,

“See here, baby? That is 1000 pounds of dynamite.”

She starts to drool, itching with anticipation. The bodybuilder drops his pants next and says,

“See these, baby? These legs are 1000 pounds of dynamite.”

At this point, she is aching to get started. Lastly, he takes of his boxers. The woman screams, grabs her purse, and runs towards the door. He catches her before she can leave and asks what the problem is.

She replies,

“With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse,
I was afraid you could blow at any second!”